it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
