I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
