my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
