he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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