I think i peed on brittanys purse
one might say we're banned from that church
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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