My hand turned me down
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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