Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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