I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize