Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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