Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
zippers are such a cool invention
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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