Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
