Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just wanna soil my oats bro
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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