i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Hippo gnu deer
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
