remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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