I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
