if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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