you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
