Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize