I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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