fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
