so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
