Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize