I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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