3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
