can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
