believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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