My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
