i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize