My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
