so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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