He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
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