Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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