I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
