You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
