somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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