Hey man sorry I got all grabby
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
