If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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