I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
