I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
