i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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