i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
