Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize