If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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