She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
