I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
