Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize