that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize