the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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