i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
