If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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