Are we in a gay sports bar?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
