is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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