I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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