My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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