I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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