atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
