So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
