someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
