the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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