put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
