i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
