you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize