whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
