Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
